I’m currently the single friend. So when I get around my friends who are in successful relationships, naturally we talk about…relationships. Or in my case, just general dating, because I’m still working on getting to that basic, social stage.
It always entertains me to find out what people think I’m attracted to. Mainly it’s white girls…because to one who somewhat follows social norms, I may be seen as a bit ‘eclectic.’ Because I’m black, gay, have locs, wear gingham, and don’t wear J’s all the time. But to the overall lesbian community, like the ‘womyn’ community similar to the one found featured on The Real L Word or a Logo Documentary, I may be seen as pretty straight laced.
So of course I was asked what type of women I was into exactly.
“Women of color. Not too granola…they have to shave. And not wear Tevas…or Merrills… Like, they should like half way normal things, and be able to take a joke… And should like hip hop…because that’s pretty much all I have on my iPod… And not listen to Lilith Fair music all the time. I mean, i like chicks who do poetry… And if they are white, they have to have a little edge to them…yes, they’ll basically need to be a black girl *lol*… And of course they should have goals and dreams… And they can’t be stupid…they have to have some sort of goals, like career goals or something…”
After this convoluted description of my potential dream woman, I was presented with the following relationship inquiry:
“So, what is your day to day life going to look like?”
For some reason that question has stuck with me. Because it’s so unpredictable, it’s almost rhetorical. Ideal relationship. Ideal partner. Ideal house. Ideal vacations, traveling around the world. Ideal kids. Ideal retirement. Ideal happily ever after. A dream one creates in hopes that it becomes a reality. And yeah, those ideas can be emulated in a relationship…the only stipulation is that you and the other person’s ideas are, and remain on the same page.
I’m not saying that one shouldn’t have standards. There’s a difference between standards and one’s expectations of their ideal partner. Never should one throw their standards out the window; unless your standards are so high, they’re unattainable. In which instance you just need to come back to reality, and reevaluate why you’re making yourself unattainable.
The reality is, you can’t really predict the day to day life of what your relationship will be. One can only hope that whatever it is, it’s filled with laughs, intimacy…and sex…lots of sex. Hell, one can only hope that you get through that first 6 to 12 month relationship probationary period to let the ‘representative’ dissolve in order to figure out who you’ll be living day to day with.
The basis of any relationship is going to be rooted in romantic chemistry, and love. Like a real appreciation, passion, and desire for one another. The desire that’s going to cause the two of you to want to partner and plan your lives together. That’s going to cause you to want to take trips together, to just lay up at night, watch movies and listen to music. That’s going to cause you to fight, get so pissed at each other that you could walk away…until you realize there’s no one you’d rather spend your life with.
“What will your day to day life look like?”
Sure, one could ponder this, try to predict, create an idea of what the day to day life of their ideal relationship will look like. Potentially create more expectations that could possibly lead to disappointment. Or one can just let go of expectations, appreciate their partner for who they truly are, push them, inspire them, and expect some sort of reflection of that from their partner. Because a true partner is going to be a reflection of you.
What will my day to day relationship life look like? I have no fucking clue. I can only hope it’s filled with love, honesty, and loyalty…good food, music, and great, passionate sex.
But, hell, what do I know? I’m the single friend. The cynical, still slightly heart wounded single friend. My vision of this whole ‘love’ thing is still slightly blurry. I have a lot to learn about what makes a successful relationship.
Hell, I’m still just tryin to figure out how to date.